All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
