? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My life is pants optional.
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