1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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