it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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