Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
