he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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