I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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