You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
