Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
