Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
