weddingsv make me drug and hornr
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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