either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How does one acquire holy water?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
