so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That accounts for only three of the penises
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
