Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
