her vagina looked like bernie madoff
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
