You made me cry and you don't even care
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
