it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
