I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
