I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize