Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
