I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
