her vagine was all disorganized.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
