Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
