i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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