You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
