yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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