i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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