butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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