Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
