are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
