This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
