I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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