Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
