i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
