my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
