How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
