dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
