i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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