She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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