I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
