what day is it and did you see me today?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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