hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize