it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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