remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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