I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize