That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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