But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
