"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
