a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
