My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
