When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
vagina is talking i cant
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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