we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
