I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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