I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
