well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
