no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
