Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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