I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can text with my tongue
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
