Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
