Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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