Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
