Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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