in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
